The Best Of Times
It just keeps getting better and better.
Parenting - such a diverse and ever changing job. One that comes with no manual, no previous experience (unless you count Susie), and a constant joy.
It might seem that one day is not that different to the next but it's all subtly changing, all the time.
I have been a parent now for about five and a half years. Not long at all in the grand scheme of things, but long enough to appreciate the difference between the life I had before and the life I had now.
How strange it seems looking back now to when I didn't have kids - I guess some would look back nostalgically and maybe even longingly to those days when they had complete freedom. OK, well maybe not complete freedom, there was still working for a living, but the type of freedom where you could go to bed what time you liked on a Saturday night and if you didn't want to get up until lunchtime on Sunday, who could stop you? Cruising off for a weekend in Rhyl with my friends - no problem. Golf with the lads and a huge sesh in the pub after? Bring it on!
The thing is - I enjoyed all of those things, and have happy memories of doing them. But that's what they are - memories, and I readily embrace and enjoy my new role. Things are very different now, there is responsibility and it can be tiring and it is a different world entirely. But a world I understand now. To my shame I remember when I wasn't a parent and other parents were and they used to say "well better be off home now, got to be up for the kids in the morning", I used to think "boring bastards!". But that was then and this is now.
As time goes by I find myself focusing increasingly on my family, and I can honestly say, I feel more devoted and dedicated now than at any point in the past. That's not saying I wasn't in the past, but even more so now than ever before. And things have changed very recently in a way I will try to explain.
Over the past few weeks, I've kind of become aware that we've moved on to a new phase in family life. Basically, for the first time since we started, we no longer have a baby in the family. At what point does a baby become a boy, well who can say - it's a gradual process. OK, so Jamie is still in nappies, and still needs a lot done for him, but crucially in the past couple of months he's really found his voice and stamped his personality all over this family - suddenly, if he could put it this eloquently, which he can't he would be saying "Hey - look at me everybody, don't just feed me and change me and do all those things - Hello - I'm a person - this is me, and this is what I want".
The transformation in him is amazing, from barely uttering a word to being able to count, recognise letters, string words together, pointing out things, making it very clear what he wants and doesn't want, and stating in no uncertain terms - as well as making it pretty clear he's not going to be pushed around by anyone - a true Ayres trait there if I ever saw one.
Yep, he's a well and truly fully fledged little boy - no doubt about it and all this is rubbing off in so many ways - him and Ollie are playing together amazingly well, which is so good for Ollie who was so insular when he was smaller, and found it so difficult to interact. But they are developing little games together - so many I could mention, but for example - take today. Nice and sunny in the garden after school and almost warm - they could play out without coats on. They were taking it in turns to sit on top of the slide and count down 5 - 4- 3- 2- 1 - BLAST OFF!!! and then sliding down - to great hilarity.
I could go on all day about all our silly games and songs, it seems there is no end to the play and I am loving it. No longer am I a pure feeding, changing, washing machine as I have been with the babies - and the feelings of isolation and craving of adult attention that those feelings can bring when you are on your own - but suddenly it seems we "are" a real family - and I'm loving it more than ever before.
I'm not saying any of that was ever bad but it was very hard work at times, and it's very hard when you've got a 9 month old being sick and ill and crying and they are too little to understand.
But how things are now - well it's brought a real change in me too - suddenly I'm free of some of the shackles of before - the endless checking of facebook, internet etc, for diversions - it's all suddenly so unimportant. Of course I'm still doing all those chores that I always did - but alongside it all we are having fun. I really want to cherish every moment and I'm so aware that they will not be like this forever.
If it seems I'm less social then ever before - well it's not something I am going to apologise for. I recognise that I'm at a very special time in my children's lives and I'm grabbing every little bit of it that I can. This time is not going to come again. I'm not really that aware of what's going on outside of my own little bubble any more, but I'm happy in my own little world, and I wish all I know happiness in theirs.
I've been very lucky through the school and the Courtyard to meet some other very lovely parents over the past few years too, people, who had I not become a parent, I might never have got to know - some read my blog I know, and I think you are all fantastic, especially those of you that manage with 3, 4, or even 5 - amazing, I have so much admiration.
I could not imagine a world without my boys, they are absolutely everything to me. Fatherhood is the most wonderful gift, and I am so fortunate to be able to be so fully hands on with it in the way I am.
By the way, Susie was my "surrogate child", sort of - she was a cat, who I got when I lived in Fircroft (Southwold) back in 1991. Funny how I used to joke that she was my "baby" and good training for when I had a real family. She died about 3 years before Ollie was born. Have to say I loved little Susie to bits, but I must have really irritated parents back then trying to make out having a cat was the same as having a baby - I now know it's not, but I did love my little Susie and she was a feisty little thing too, not one of these lame placid cats - she was the Queen Of Fircroft throughout the 90s - and woe betide any other cats on the block back then who trod on her patch!
Ah - I do miss you Susie, I wonder what you would have made of my two boys.
If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.
Jason xx
Parenting - such a diverse and ever changing job. One that comes with no manual, no previous experience (unless you count Susie), and a constant joy.
It might seem that one day is not that different to the next but it's all subtly changing, all the time.
I have been a parent now for about five and a half years. Not long at all in the grand scheme of things, but long enough to appreciate the difference between the life I had before and the life I had now.
How strange it seems looking back now to when I didn't have kids - I guess some would look back nostalgically and maybe even longingly to those days when they had complete freedom. OK, well maybe not complete freedom, there was still working for a living, but the type of freedom where you could go to bed what time you liked on a Saturday night and if you didn't want to get up until lunchtime on Sunday, who could stop you? Cruising off for a weekend in Rhyl with my friends - no problem. Golf with the lads and a huge sesh in the pub after? Bring it on!
The thing is - I enjoyed all of those things, and have happy memories of doing them. But that's what they are - memories, and I readily embrace and enjoy my new role. Things are very different now, there is responsibility and it can be tiring and it is a different world entirely. But a world I understand now. To my shame I remember when I wasn't a parent and other parents were and they used to say "well better be off home now, got to be up for the kids in the morning", I used to think "boring bastards!". But that was then and this is now.
As time goes by I find myself focusing increasingly on my family, and I can honestly say, I feel more devoted and dedicated now than at any point in the past. That's not saying I wasn't in the past, but even more so now than ever before. And things have changed very recently in a way I will try to explain.
Over the past few weeks, I've kind of become aware that we've moved on to a new phase in family life. Basically, for the first time since we started, we no longer have a baby in the family. At what point does a baby become a boy, well who can say - it's a gradual process. OK, so Jamie is still in nappies, and still needs a lot done for him, but crucially in the past couple of months he's really found his voice and stamped his personality all over this family - suddenly, if he could put it this eloquently, which he can't he would be saying "Hey - look at me everybody, don't just feed me and change me and do all those things - Hello - I'm a person - this is me, and this is what I want".
The transformation in him is amazing, from barely uttering a word to being able to count, recognise letters, string words together, pointing out things, making it very clear what he wants and doesn't want, and stating in no uncertain terms - as well as making it pretty clear he's not going to be pushed around by anyone - a true Ayres trait there if I ever saw one.
Yep, he's a well and truly fully fledged little boy - no doubt about it and all this is rubbing off in so many ways - him and Ollie are playing together amazingly well, which is so good for Ollie who was so insular when he was smaller, and found it so difficult to interact. But they are developing little games together - so many I could mention, but for example - take today. Nice and sunny in the garden after school and almost warm - they could play out without coats on. They were taking it in turns to sit on top of the slide and count down 5 - 4- 3- 2- 1 - BLAST OFF!!! and then sliding down - to great hilarity.
I could go on all day about all our silly games and songs, it seems there is no end to the play and I am loving it. No longer am I a pure feeding, changing, washing machine as I have been with the babies - and the feelings of isolation and craving of adult attention that those feelings can bring when you are on your own - but suddenly it seems we "are" a real family - and I'm loving it more than ever before.
I'm not saying any of that was ever bad but it was very hard work at times, and it's very hard when you've got a 9 month old being sick and ill and crying and they are too little to understand.
But how things are now - well it's brought a real change in me too - suddenly I'm free of some of the shackles of before - the endless checking of facebook, internet etc, for diversions - it's all suddenly so unimportant. Of course I'm still doing all those chores that I always did - but alongside it all we are having fun. I really want to cherish every moment and I'm so aware that they will not be like this forever.
If it seems I'm less social then ever before - well it's not something I am going to apologise for. I recognise that I'm at a very special time in my children's lives and I'm grabbing every little bit of it that I can. This time is not going to come again. I'm not really that aware of what's going on outside of my own little bubble any more, but I'm happy in my own little world, and I wish all I know happiness in theirs.
I've been very lucky through the school and the Courtyard to meet some other very lovely parents over the past few years too, people, who had I not become a parent, I might never have got to know - some read my blog I know, and I think you are all fantastic, especially those of you that manage with 3, 4, or even 5 - amazing, I have so much admiration.
I could not imagine a world without my boys, they are absolutely everything to me. Fatherhood is the most wonderful gift, and I am so fortunate to be able to be so fully hands on with it in the way I am.
By the way, Susie was my "surrogate child", sort of - she was a cat, who I got when I lived in Fircroft (Southwold) back in 1991. Funny how I used to joke that she was my "baby" and good training for when I had a real family. She died about 3 years before Ollie was born. Have to say I loved little Susie to bits, but I must have really irritated parents back then trying to make out having a cat was the same as having a baby - I now know it's not, but I did love my little Susie and she was a feisty little thing too, not one of these lame placid cats - she was the Queen Of Fircroft throughout the 90s - and woe betide any other cats on the block back then who trod on her patch!
Ah - I do miss you Susie, I wonder what you would have made of my two boys.
If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.
Jason xx
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