Showing posts from December, 2012

Five reasons why I hate Bicester Village

You know, this place really infuriates me. I don't really have any huge reason to hate it, and I haven't always, I just do now. I am well aware of the traffic problems and have read all the comments with regard to Boxing Day on the facebook page. This isn't personally a problem for me these days as I rarely set foot outside my house on Boxing Day but I do have some past experience of it and I can see why it continues to provide anger for other Bicester residents. Over the last few years a simmering resentment against the place has built up in me, and going by what I read I am certainly not alone. Blimey, if you thought I disliked Tesco, well they aren't even in the same league as this lot. They stand like a bright shining beacon of retail delight next to BV - now that is saying something! So why don't I like it? Well I have thought about it, and come up with a list of reasons, in no particular order, but here we go. I'll start with the traffic. 1) The traf

Good snowman, bad snowman

Here we are on Boxing Day - have to say Christmas has been a great success this year. I go all old-fashioned at Christmas and switch off the computer, switch off the mobile phone and all social media and for about 48 hours just concentrate 100% on home, wife and kids. Because as you can see all around, with everyone permanently welded to their phones these days, simple pleasures are often forgotten. So from 6am yesterday morning when we got up to going to bed 19 hours later, it was full on Dad - from present opening and assembly to cooking dinner. Claire worked from 7:30 to 3pm. I did eventually end up getting the Turkey Crown from M&S and it was pretty decent to be honest, much better than last years. And I cooked it according to how I thought it would be good. I have decided that all this putting bacon on the top and all the other stuff Ramsey and the others pipe out is a lot of rubbish designed to prey on your insecurities and make you feel inferior. Burnt bacon on top

Which beast for the feast?

Just before I get started on the main topic of the blog, a quick message for my funky friend. I know how disappointed you are that you can't use the phrase "Well that was our summer, then!" to me at present - however the current cliche doing the rounds is this one: "All ready for Christmas then?" What a boring and utterly pointless phrase! Why do people do it? Have you nothing more interesting to say? And why do you ask anyway? Do you really want to hear a potted run down of my Christmas preparations? You are not going to be there (thankfully, lol!) What you really want to do is use it as prelude to giving me a run down of your own irrelevant plans! Wind it in people! Anyway, Mr Fulford, I reckon I have been asked that by 99 people so far this week, so I may as well give you the chance to make the century, go on son, fill your boots, I know you want to. I expect to see it on my wall by morning! Right then, on to business. Rather than blah on about a sele

The Jason Ayres Television Show

For some time now I have been working on plans for my own sketch show starring me, as a variety of comic characters. Now the sketch show genre has always been a bit hit and miss for me. Now if you are talking about the Fast Show or Harry Enfield's Television Programme (later Harry Enfield and Chums) these are among my favourite shows of all time! Suits You Sir! You Don't Want To Do It Like That! A Bit Of Bachman Turner Overdrive! These catchphrases have passed into legend. So I think it is high time we had a new sketch show, and have been developing a number of characters. Now many of these I have had in development for a number of years. You may even have encountered versions of them in the pub, or on facebook from time to time. Here are a few of them: Bloaticus Bloaticus is like a modern day throwback to ancient Roman times. His entire life consists of gorging himself on gargantuan feasts and bragging about his depraved sexual acts in the pub. Bizarrely due to being h