Thursday, 9 June 2016

HS4 comes to Bicester!

Bicester residents were reacting in shock today after plans for an ambitious new HS4 railway line were revealed by a new Government White Paper. Work on the new £20 billion line linking Bicester with Heathrow Airport could begin as early as 2018 if the man behind the scheme, local entrepreneur Gerald Mincen, 46, gets his way.

The new line would provide a direct link from Heathrow airport to a new state of the art railway station on the current Gavray Meadows site. Mincen explained “This new line will really put Bicester on the map. We don’t want visiting foreign nationals wasting unnecessary shopping time visiting Buckingham Palace or Stratford-Upon-Avon. Now they can forget about all of that and come straight here in less than half an hour”.

Coming soon, to an outlet shopping centre near you.

When questioned on how the project was to be financed, Mincen added “We envisage funding the entire project out of Bicester resident’s council tax contributions. Obviously these will have to increase slightly, but I am sure that the locals will be only too delighted to stump up for this latest enhancement to their town. We will unfortunately have to completely demolish the existing village of Wendlebury in order to complete the line, but that is a small price to pay in the quest for retail nirvana”.

Asked where the displaced Wendlebury inhabitants would live, Mr Mincen, who coincidentally is a shareholder in one of the many companies currently building around Bicester, said “We can reassure all residents that they will have first choice of plots on the next phase of development on the Kingsmere estate. Prices for one-bedroom starter homes begin at as little as £750,000”.

This is not the first time that Mr Mincen has been involved with a controversial transport scheme in Bicester. In 2014 he unveiled plans to build a large marina on land adjacent to the Wyevale Garden Centre. Provisionally entitled “The Bicester Riviera”, this ambitious scheme to attract rich yacht owners from Monaco and St Tropez foundered after a local resident pointed out that Bicester was nowhere near the sea.

Jason’s latest novel, Midlife Crisis is now available for pre-order and will be released on Friday 29th July.