The Time Bubble

You may be aware that in certain publications (crap ones mostly) there is a section called something along the lines of " Kids say the funniest things". If you are not familiar, these letters normally start off along the lines of "My 3 year old grandson comes out with the funniest things. The other day blah blah blah", usually ending with something that is utterly lame. To be honest I'm more familiar with the genre through the constant lampooning of it via the letters page in Viz.   Anyway, I guarantee that my son has come up with the ultimate one that can never be beaten. Allow me to elaborate.   Over the years I have, like most people, visited many toilets. In homes, shops, offices, hotels, pubs etc let's face it, we've all sat on hundreds of them. More if you are a woman, unless you are one of those lazy blokes that likes to go for a sitting down wee. But we won't go into that.   Anyway, every now and then I encounter something in a bathroom ...

First day dawned in Corralejo and what a fantastic morning. I've not always been lucky on holiday but it was clear blue skies and bright sunshine. This island has an amazing climate - because it's in the Atlantic and at almost tropical latitude, the sea keeps the island at a fairly steady temperature all year round - it's hardly ever too cold in the winter or too hot in the summer. The daily high ranges from low 20s in the winter to high 20s in the summer and it never drops below about 15c at night. In fact I believe the lowest temperature ever recorded here was 10c and the highest only in the 30s. Perfect. The only problem really this place has is it can be quite windy. But not on day one.   Breakfast at the restaurant was pretty woeful, but we were able to fill up enough on what we needed - and there was a nice and free coffee machine. Bit of fruit and yogurt for the kids, toast, boiled eggs, sausages etc. But criminally - NO BACON, but apparently there is some days....

As you know I am always saying there aren't enough hours in the day, etc etc, playing the stressed out parent card. Well I've certainly been struggling to find time to fit in the blogs this month. Rather than attempt to explain it all - I thought I would just do an on-going bullet point diary of today - live as it happens! Detailing every thing that occurs. Mundane? Possibly. But who knows what the day will bring? I'm going to split this into two parts - am and pm. So the first part of the blog covers the time up to midday today and the second part I will publish at midnight just before I go to bed! So hold on to your hats folks, and join the rollercoaster ride that is my day!!!! 12:00am - A light snack before bed 12:30am - Go to bed 7:20am - Claire bring me cup of tea and leaves for work. Kids are up and dressed - one thing ticked off which is good. 7:30am - Get dressed. 7:35am - Go to toilet. Read Viz. 7:40am - Downstairs. Go to make cereal for kids - all g...

Like the title, huh? Bit of alliteration going on there. Well it pretty much sums up what all this is about. I am sure if you ask anyone with young children what part of rearing the brood causes the most traumas, that mealtimes will feature highly on most lists. Why? Well, for the uninitiated, most pre-schoolers have not yet mastered the arts of dining etiquette that those of us who move in polite society circles have come to expect. In fact I can think of quite a few adults that haven't either, but we won't go there. Class knows no boundaries here - your average 2 year old whether born with a silver spoon, or from the most deprived of backgrounds will try the patience of their parents no matter how good the upbringing. Everything has to be ready NOW!!! It can't be too hot or too cold! And woe betide if it's the wrong shape (bringing memorable Fawlty Towers scene about amphibious landing craft chips to mind). How does one cope - well a bit of forward planning, t...

As this is supposed to be a parenting blog - "Hi everyone on Mumsnet", I suppose it would be just as well if I did the occasional post about the children! That was the original intention however I do seem to get sidetracked off onto random topics and exploring some of the strange ideas that come into my head. It's a bit of a mixed blog for that reason - you never really know what you are going to get. Like a bag of Revels - which incidentally is like a game of Russian Roulette for me - what with the peanut allergy and all. In fact people from mumsnet who read this must think I am some sort of weirdo. In fact most of my friends do, so what chance have I got with random strangers when they read my questionnaire's and readers letters. Probably thing it's the outpouring of a seriously deranged mind. What you, my loyal readers must remember at all times that there's a lot of poetic license in what I write, intended purely for amusement value. For instance, on...

The last time I found myself single, about six years ago, for reasons that escape me now, I decided that I really must choose my next partner carefully. Compatibility! That's the thing! I decided therefore that I would screen all future suitors via a questionnaire, so I could be sure I was meeting the right type of person. However, before I could complete this momentous task, I met Claire and the rest, as they say, is history. However I still think it was a good idea. I can't remember the exact content of the questionnaire but I thought I would attempt to recreate it here, so you can see if had you been around back then you would have fitted the bill. And who knows, if you are single, perhaps it could inspire you to create your own questionnaire, and help you find the man or woman of your dreams. I have decided to go for a mix of written and pictorial questions. There are 7 in all. When you have finished tot up your scores, a), b) or c) and see how you did. 1) What wou...

Previously on Bicester Blogger... Jason finds himself caught on camera outside a sex shop in Soho, cooks a 12oz fillet steak on a volcanic slab and buys some tourist tat on Oxford Street. And now...the conclusion! So, up with the lark on a pleasant Saturday morning, no time for arseing about today so breakfast at the hotel, a rather steep £15.50 for the breakfast buffet. This of course necessitated eating as much as possible without setting off an excessive cycle of bowel movements (don't want to get caught short at the Tower). So on my way to the execution block at aforesaid Tower it can be said that the condemened man ate a hearty breakfast. Being a buffet this meant a large pile of dead pig surrounded by sundry other high cholesterol items, topped off with a small bowl of fruit and yoghurt to keep the do-gooders happy. And copious amounts of coffee. So with 9am on the clock we were out of the door and walking up to St John's tube station, a few simple and short hops ...