Friday, 8 January 2016

Eat, drink and be merry.

So, it seems that we can now only drink 14 units of alcohol a week. Otherwise we increase the risk of this that or the other. It was all over the papers this morning. This is hot on the heels of stories about processed meats and countless others that churn never-endingly out of the media, determined to spoil any ounce of enjoyment we might like to try and squeeze out of our short time on this planet.

Two things come to mind. Firstly, why is it that all the things that make life enjoyable are so universally condemned. Sugar - terrible, causes diabetes etc. Salt = high blood pressure and heart attacks. Alcohol - cancer, heart disease etc. Basically any food that tastes nice is going to shorten your life, allegedly. Yet all the horrible stuff i.e. salad, various other boring veg, cottage cheese, those horrible rice cake things that remind me of polystyrene, and anything else that is flavourless, bland and boring, that's what they'd have us eat.

Smoking, I won't comment on as I don't, but I am sure those who do feel similarly aggrieved.

Sex - plenty of rules and regulations and stigmas attached even in these enlightened times meaning people have to jump through hoops to get it, whereas in nature, every other creature on the planet just gets on with it. You don't see your average butterfly in the summer having to take it's potential partner out on lots of nice meals, trips to the pictures and then promising to respect it in the morning. They just get on with it and enjoy themselves. And they never get arrested for doing it in public. Oh and let's not forget about all the STD's either, there's another passion dampeners. Are STD's just a human thing, I wonder? I've never heard of butterflies getting VD, or any animals come to that. Which is surprising when you consider how much they put it about. Except swans, of course. I'd be surprised if any of them ever got a dose, assuming that the oft quoted faithful for life story is true. Imagine if you were a female swan and discovered you'd caught something? I think you'd be having serious words with your cob. Mate for life, my arse!

Yes, everywhere in life there are barriers and rules trying to stop people enjoying themselves. The thing is, I could understand if there was some genuinely positive outcome to living a clean and healthy life. If everyone that ate salad, exercised regularly and lived an all round virtuous existence lived to be 500 whilst all those that didn't died a hideous cancer-ridden, pox infested death by the age of 30, then I think we'd all agree it was worth doing. But it doesn't work like that. Statistics say that you are at a greater risk of dying younger if you do all of these unhealthy things but what's the benefit. A few years, maybe? At the end of your life when you probably aren't in the best place to enjoy it anyway. "Great, I ate salad all my life, never drank, never smoked, and my reward is an extra 10 years poked away in this old folk's home playing Bingo and watching daytime TV. And they haven't even got SKY Sports".

Fact is, we are all going to die in the end, so what's the point. Even the healthiest health freaks on the planet cannot prolong their life indefinitely, the human body can only last so long and that's it.

Yes, on a day to day basis, we'd all like to try and be healthier, I am sure, and do things in moderation, but it's bloody hard when the media keep nagging us all the time with the results of these endless "studies". To be honest, I think the majority of the population must be getting fed up with it by now and be on the verge of saying "fuck it". We'll get on with the business of enjoying life and have the odd glass of orange juice here and there, walk rather than drive when we can, and try and strike a balance that suits us. Without having "You're going to die young and horribly" rammed down our throats every single day.

In fact I can think of no better way of summing up all this bollocks than this legendary poster from many years ago, from where else, the legendary Viz. In my case it would be more like a bacon sandwich than a fag, but the general sentiment strikes a chord.

In conclusion, do any of my New Year's resolutions involve giving up anything? No. Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we shall be dust, shall continue to be my philosophy. I do actually have one resolution and that is to be more sociable, particularly with friends from school who I see every day. And possibly Sunday nights at the pub too, now that I can see that my karaoke empire has passed on into safe hands. Cheers!