The Time Bubble

There's no such thing as bad publicity, they say (whoever they are). I think I'd have to disagree with that after reading about "Maggot-gate" and the resulting "Big Stink" outside Nando's restaurant in Bicester. I can't honestly say that it's going to make me more likely to dine there, that's for sure. Perhaps it's all about brand awareness, who knows? Quite honestly, it seems to me it was more a problem with the bins outside rather than the restaurant itself. Nando's has borne the brunt of the problem, but I have to say, those bins aren't particularly pleasant at the best of times. I had been in the habit of walking past them on a daily basis during the summer, usually travelling from Sainsbury's, grumbling at the prices, towards Poundland in search of better value. I did note some unpleasant smells on occasion, but then unpleasant smells aren't unusual in Bicester, so you sort of get used to it. It's a bit like ...

Recap: Jason has been invited to the BBC to pitch his programme ideas. He's just arrived and been shown into the meeting room where Geoff is waiting... Jason: Good evening! Geoff: Good evening? It's 11am! Jason: Ah, sorry about that - I thought I'd come in character, you see. I was playing the role of one of my favourite characters, Lord Bicester. He always greets people by saying that, morning, noon and night. Geoff: Hilarious, I'm sure. Perhaps it'll grow on me. Would you care for some coffee and biscuits? Jason: Have you got any sausages? Pork Pies, anything like that? It's nearly lunchtime after all. Can you organise a buffet? Geoff: I beg your pardon? Jason: I was told you could have anything you wanted in the BBC? Sorry, I was in character again. That was Bloaticus. He eats a lot. I am actually a bit hungry though. Had a few beers last night, need to soak it up a bit. You know how it is. Geoff: I don't actually. I tend to keep my drinki...

Now that the book launch is out of the way, it's time to get moving on some other projects. You'll recall my new sausage ideas which I broached at the turn of the year. I think it's now time to pitch these to the industry, so who better to start with than a name synonymous with two things to launch my new "sausage ice cream" product. So, without further ado I dashed off this little missive today, and now eagerly await the response! Dear Walls, Good evening. Allow me to introduce myself, just in case you haven’t heard of me. My name is Jason Ayres, aka “The Sausage Man” and author of the book of that title (check it out on Amazon). During 2013 I held the coveted role of VIP Judge for the annual industry awards, judging the best of the nation’s sausages alongside celebrity chef, Simon Rimmer. In the last chapter of my recently published book, I cast my crystal ball into the future to try and come up with some new ideas to revitalise the sausage world and dr...

So it's a new year, and it's time for me to put on my somewhat eccentric thinking cap and come up with some exciting new ideas for innovation in the sausage world! Since being chosen as Love Pork's official sausage taster last year, I've taken my responsibilities in this area very seriously. I mentioned in the last entry that I had some big ambitions for 2014, well one of these is to make it big in the world of bacon, ham and sausages. I've already been offered a feature in Pig & Poultry Marketing magazine, but for me the ultimate dream, and the culmination of my life's work would be to gain the legendary status of Hambassador with Love Pork. How can I achieve this? Well, as long as I keep writing and promoting all things pork product via this blog, who knows what might come of it. Hambassador aspirations apart, sausages aren't the only things that get awards in the Pork world, and if there is some bacon or some pork pies to be judged in the months a...

I am sure it will come as no surprise to any of you who have been following my sausage story closely that my favourite bit of the Christmas dinner is "pigs in blankets". If there is anyone who does not know what pigs in blankets are, well firstly, shame on you, and secondly here is the definition: Sausages wrapped in bacon. What an amazing invention! My second favourite food of all time wrapped in my first favourite food of all time! It's hard to even begin to describe the levels of excitement this generates in me. If you can imagine finding the two most attractive people you have ever fancied in your life all wrapped up in a Christmas stocking on the end of your bed on Christmas morning and you might be somewhere near approaching it. Pigs in blankets have grown in popularity over the years and I don't recall them being as popular in my youth and certainly not as readily available as they are now. Like various other components of the Christmas dinner such as stuff...

My exploits with the sausage tasting have attracted considerable attention from the press. From Chat, to the Daily Star, to Pig & Poultry Marketing magazine, there's barely a publication in the land not desperate to get their hands on the story of the "The Sausage Man". So, unsurprisingly, I have started to receive a number of letters on the subject asking for various pork related advice. Due to the high volume of mail I've received, I can't possibly reply to them all due to my extremely busy lifestyle so I have decided to publish some of  them here in a sort of agony pig section. Here we go then: Dear "The Sausage Man". I read with interest the chapter in your book "Austerity Dad" where you claimed that eating a lot of bacon would increase your IQ. Since then I have been having it every day and in fact am planning to start an Open University degree in Business Studies in the Spring. Not bad for someone who left school with just one...

And that mission is - to create, or find, the perfect chip! In fact, not so much a mission, more of an obsession. I've had the Tefal Actifry over a month now and have tinkered about trying various methods of cooking chips   in it, some successful, others not so. What makes the perfect chip? Well they have to be tasty, goes without saying. But also natural - I like to know where my ingredients are coming from. For example, I have heard that McDonalds fries, tasty though they are, never go off - you can leave them for months without rotting, due to some sort of preservative on them. Whether or not that is true, (urban myths spring to mind) it kind of puts me off somewhat. I also think they need to be crispy, but not burnt, and definitely not soggy. The quality you get from various establishments in Bicester varies quite considerably. Sometimes I get fries from them that are gorgeous and fresh - other times, well, I could suspect that they may have been left over from the previo...

So, Jamie is a little better which means we are no longer chained to the apartment all day. Got him out to breakfast, where after a bit of toast he effectively once again emptied the entire vat of Strawberry yogurt. Today was an absolutely glorious sunny day and we certainly made the most of it as the temperature soared into the mid 20s.   One of the things I love about this place, is that everyone is so friendly. It's not like at home where you walk past people with their heads bowed to the ground. Here everyone you walk past, every apartment, it's "good morning" and friendly smiles. Well I suppose we are on holiday. But really it is everyone, even the Germans! Am I still allowed to say that? Well, just did.   I think I may have found the solution to the world's oil shortage. Simply rinse out the bacon in the "canteen" here in the morning. Quite amazing.   Had a fab time at the pool today, had to keep Ollie under control a little as he has ...

My blog entries have been a little sparse this month, just as they were this time last year, but there's a pretty simple explanation for that - not a lot of interest has occurred worth writing about. In fact November is living up to its usual billing of being the most boring and my most disliked month of the year. Smashie and Nicey once talked about "The Great British Tuesday" implying nothing much ever happened, so I guess the worst combination is a Tuesday in November. When it rains all day. Like the one we just had. Therefore I officially declare that Tuesday 27th November 2012 was the most boring day of this year. Unless you happened to be flying off to Australia that day to get away from it all. And who does that? Answers on a postcard, please, Jo Sandy. Coming soon, by special courier from Perth Usually when things are a little quiet on the events front, I attempt to conjure up some sort of "amusing" piece based on some random interest of mine. Th...

This is sort of a part two of the shopping blog I posted yesterday. I had intended to follow up in the same day as my blogging average has dropped during the school holidays, but I've not really been up to it unfortunately. One of the things about being a parent is that being ill isn't really allowed. Back in the day I could phone Nielsen, put on a pathetic voice and then go back to bed. When you've got kids you don't have that luxury - they still have to be fed, dressed and taken to school. Fortunately not this week, and also fortunate that Claire was also off sick for two days so between us we've soldiered on but to say it's been a tough few days would be an understatement. I'm not well enough to leave the house at the moment which means any socialising is out of the question for a few days, which is a pity as one friend has his 40th birthday tonight and then there's a karaoke night I had planned to go to on Friday, but can't be helped. Health....