Supermassive Black Hole
As this is supposed to be a parenting blog - "Hi everyone on Mumsnet", I suppose it would be just as well if I did the occasional post about the children! That was the original intention however I do seem to get sidetracked off onto random topics and exploring some of the strange ideas that come into my head. It's a bit of a mixed blog for that reason - you never really know what you are going to get. Like a bag of Revels - which incidentally is like a game of Russian Roulette for me - what with the peanut allergy and all.
In fact people from mumsnet who read this must think I am some sort of weirdo. In fact most of my friends do, so what chance have I got with random strangers when they read my questionnaire's and readers letters.
Probably thing it's the outpouring of a seriously deranged mind.
What you, my loyal readers must remember at all times that there's a lot of poetic license in what I write, intended purely for amusement value. For instance, one reader yesterday picked up on my casual comment about not remembering why I split up with my ex-girlfriend. Of course I do, but to maintain an entertaining narrative flow, and in keeping with the "caddish" nature of the post, I thought it amusing to pretend otherwise!
So remember - it's all tongue-in-cheek! Those of you that know me well enough can usually work out what's in jest and what's real.
Anyway - the kiddies. So impressed with them this morning. Well up until about 8:25am anyway. As you will know from past bloggage, our meal table has frequently been somewhat of a battleground, but they were so good this morning with their breakfast. Jamie, although he is only 1, is already out of the high chair and likes to sit up at the table himself. In fact I only have to say "breakfast time" and he's up and sat at the table. Ollie likewise after some initial grumbling "Can I have toast?" "No", was also sat there.
What did they have - well fantastically, it's healthy. They both like Shreddies - and I seat them there with a bowl each and a spoon and they both wolf them down - no mess, no spillage. They both have some milk on them and no sugar. In fact they never ask for sugar. Why? Because I have never even introduced the concept that you can put sugar on cereal, so what they don't know about they can't ask for.
Of course to set a good example I do not put sugar on my cereal either - but then again I have Frosties, so I can get away with it!
Anyway they sat and ate it all up as good as gold - leaving me with a happy glowing moment of parental pride. Then we hit a problem.
All set and ready to go to school - but it quickly becomes apparent that Ollie's shoes were nowhere to be found. Just what you don't need when you need to be out of the door 30 seconds ago. House turned upside down, panic, panic, panic, attempt to phone Mrs Jason to find out if she knows where they are, no answer. Eventually he ends up going to school in the rather odd combination of shorts and wellies (no rain today, of course).
As for the shoes - they have disappeared into the Supermassive Black Hole that we all have in our homes that swallows key things you need when you are in a rush. On my return from school I assumed that I would find them eventually - in the process of the million and one unsung things that we mums have to do on a day to day basis (am I right?) but no joy. Of course one of the drawbacks of living in a mansion is there are a lot more places where things can hide.
Eventually - hurrah! Here they are - for a completely inexplicable reason, behind the toilet in bathroom #2.
Well I am not taking them round there now - he'd better pray for rain so he doesn't look silly walking home in his wellies and let that be a lesson to you, young man! Put your shoes where they should be!
If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.
Jason xx
In fact people from mumsnet who read this must think I am some sort of weirdo. In fact most of my friends do, so what chance have I got with random strangers when they read my questionnaire's and readers letters.
Probably thing it's the outpouring of a seriously deranged mind.
What you, my loyal readers must remember at all times that there's a lot of poetic license in what I write, intended purely for amusement value. For instance, one reader yesterday picked up on my casual comment about not remembering why I split up with my ex-girlfriend. Of course I do, but to maintain an entertaining narrative flow, and in keeping with the "caddish" nature of the post, I thought it amusing to pretend otherwise!
So remember - it's all tongue-in-cheek! Those of you that know me well enough can usually work out what's in jest and what's real.
Anyway - the kiddies. So impressed with them this morning. Well up until about 8:25am anyway. As you will know from past bloggage, our meal table has frequently been somewhat of a battleground, but they were so good this morning with their breakfast. Jamie, although he is only 1, is already out of the high chair and likes to sit up at the table himself. In fact I only have to say "breakfast time" and he's up and sat at the table. Ollie likewise after some initial grumbling "Can I have toast?" "No", was also sat there.
What did they have - well fantastically, it's healthy. They both like Shreddies - and I seat them there with a bowl each and a spoon and they both wolf them down - no mess, no spillage. They both have some milk on them and no sugar. In fact they never ask for sugar. Why? Because I have never even introduced the concept that you can put sugar on cereal, so what they don't know about they can't ask for.
| Breakfast. |
Of course to set a good example I do not put sugar on my cereal either - but then again I have Frosties, so I can get away with it!
Anyway they sat and ate it all up as good as gold - leaving me with a happy glowing moment of parental pride. Then we hit a problem.
All set and ready to go to school - but it quickly becomes apparent that Ollie's shoes were nowhere to be found. Just what you don't need when you need to be out of the door 30 seconds ago. House turned upside down, panic, panic, panic, attempt to phone Mrs Jason to find out if she knows where they are, no answer. Eventually he ends up going to school in the rather odd combination of shorts and wellies (no rain today, of course).
As for the shoes - they have disappeared into the Supermassive Black Hole that we all have in our homes that swallows key things you need when you are in a rush. On my return from school I assumed that I would find them eventually - in the process of the million and one unsung things that we mums have to do on a day to day basis (am I right?) but no joy. Of course one of the drawbacks of living in a mansion is there are a lot more places where things can hide.
Eventually - hurrah! Here they are - for a completely inexplicable reason, behind the toilet in bathroom #2.
Well I am not taking them round there now - he'd better pray for rain so he doesn't look silly walking home in his wellies and let that be a lesson to you, young man! Put your shoes where they should be!
If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.
Jason xx
The Supermassive Black Hole currently contains a brand new boys (age 5) bright green Next hoodie. It went there last week, if you see it, let me know.
ReplyDeleteThe Supermassive Black Hole also currently contains Baby Anabelle's rattle, the DVD player remote control and a bar of Galaxy chocolate I bought on the last shop for "Emergencies". The toy and the remote will prob turn up one day, but the Galaxy???? I think it's gone for good .
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