Cheese and Biscuits

On a day like today, there really is no point in cooking. Claire is not here on a Monday evening, and it's pointless me slaving over a hot stove for the children in this weather when they are hot and irritable and would rather have a sandwich.

I didn't really feel like a hot meal either - however as tea time approached I felt one of my cheese cravings coming on. Fortunately this was a good thing as I am well stocked up on cheese at present. Not only do I still have some of the famous French "Stink Cheese" that Jo and Alex brought back from France but I took advantage of a very attractive priced jubilee special edition cheese pack in Tesco the other day.

Same thing I bought, minus the Union Jack packaging (see footnote #1 below).

What's this, I hear you gasp? You are praising a Tesco offer, Bicester Blogger - are you ill? No - I did say you had to sort the wheat from the chaff and this little baby at £3 a throw was too good to miss.

I was also fortunate enough to have in stock a good range of "Biscuits For Cheese" and decided to have a selection, including Cornish Wafers, Tuc biscuits and Ryvita (Dark Rye).

Now I know that Ryvita might seem an odd choice for me, not because it is too girly or diety, but let's face it, Ryvita, those of you that know and love me, would you put the two of us together? Funnily enough I really like Ryvita, particularly the dark rye one. Unlike other vile concoctions people have attempted to persuade me to eat over the years, hence this conversation from many moons again:

Some ex girlfriend (can't remember which one): "Try Snack a Jacks, Jason, they are just like crisps but much less calories"
Me: "OK, anything for you darling....Uuurrgghhh....that's absolutely rank!!! - in fact...BLUUUUURGGHHHH!!!!!"
The ex: "You don't like them then?"
Me: "You're dumped".

Now available in four different varieties of cardboard

But Ryvita - very nice - and here is a little tip I can give you when eating them. It actually came from a weight watchers magazine that someone else I used to live with once had the audacity to bring in the house. I can't remember the exact wording but my interpretation is something along these lines.

"When spreading butter on Ryvita, always spread it on the rough side, not the smooth side. On the rough side it all goes into the holes so that way you can have loads of butter whilst to the casual observer it doesn't look as if you've got that much"

The correct side to butter is uppermost in this picture.

Useful tip that, next time the wife's giving you stick about your eating habits. But don't thank me - thank weight watchers.

So anyway, with all that on the plate, I just had the finishing touches of a few pickles and a pork pie chaser and "Hey Presto" - a meal fit for a king.

And there is more excitement to come later in the week. One of my eagle-eyed team of Snack Product Spotters has sent me the exciting news that Lidl has an exciting range of balls in a variety of flavours. I shall be heading down that way in due course to sample these "spherical cheesey delights" as they have been described to me.

300gm of pure cheesy delight!

With it being such a pleasant evening, I think it may be red wine in the garden after the kids are in bed - and perhaps a little more cheese if that's not being extravagant. I think not. And no-one can stop me. What an Englishman gets up to with his cheese in his own home is his business.

Jason xx

Footnote #1. You will recall today on facebook I mentioned "Clever Dicks", we all know one. And I don't mean me. My facebook comment was about the hilarious cliche "Well that was our summer then" when it rains after a few fine days early in the season. These pedants love to boringly correct us as well in order to re-inforce their "Cleverdickness" - a new word I've just invented. Hence my use of the term "Union Jack", a deliberate misnomer guaranteed to get any Dick worth his salt to pipe up with "Actually, it's called the Union Flag, it's only called the Union Jack when it's flown at sea".

Did you see William Shatner on "Have I Got News For You?" Wasn't he great? Which leads me on to my final paragraph on Clever Dick. If you suspect you may be talking to Dick, get into a conversation about Star Trek and then utter the phrase "Beam Me Up Scotty". If he is a true Dick there is only one possible response he can give to this question - can anyone comment and tell me? If not I will give you the answer later. There's a clue in the caption below.

If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.

Did I say it?