The Time Bubble

I had a rather disturbing dream last night. I dreamt that I had become massively fat. Now before you all cruelly think "you are already", I am not talking about my normal state of borderline obesity, but a future scenario in which I had achieved truly gargantuan proportions. So much so that at one point I squeezed myself into a lift, and the sign on the wall read - "Maximum Load 8 Persons - or 500kg - or Jason Ayres". Anyway thankfully I awoke to find that I was merely my usual cuddly self. Perhaps it was a subconcious warning from my brain of the consequences of what might happen if I keep up my excessive late night crisp consumption. Who knows? Anyway, Lynda and Duncan came round this morning for coffee around the kitchen table. How very civilised I am becoming. Fortunately Duncan is a man after my own heart and I was most pleased to see that I am not the only person who eats their biscuit in one go. As usual we were able to relate a few food related anecdotes...

I am becoming rather promiscuous in my choice of newspaper lately. Now over the years, I have chopped and changed a few times, but never really found one paper to stick to. So I often find myself at the newspaper counter thinking “which one will I buy today” as I cast my eye over the front pages. One I definitely will not be buying is “The Sun”. How I detest that mindless publication. It just about sums up everything that is wrong with this country. I don’t need to go into why – if you’re on my wavelength you’ll know. Suffice to say that one glance at the front page for the latest headline about some twattish celebrity e.g. Jordan/ Kerry Katona/ Cheryl Cole (delete as appropriate) or some mindless TV programme Big Brother/ X-Factor/ Dancing On Shite etc says all that needs to be said. I don’t have to worry about offending any Sun readers whilst writing this as they are not part of my target audience so shouldn’t be reading this anyway. If you are, congratulations on coming ...