But I know the answer! Never one to shy away from controversy I have come up with an awesome plan to save the world! Well starting with the UK anyway. Now throughout this article you will find a few pictures leading up to this answer, perhaps they will give you a clue as we go along. Here's one to get you started.
|Cheers! Go on, have another!|
As I say, there's a simple solution to all this. I can tell the Government exactly where it has been going wrong all these years.
One of the things that we always hear about it the "Pensions timebomb", it's bankrupting the country, people are living too long etc. So they talk about raising the retirement age a year or two. Now pensions were a great idea when we were expected to live to three score years and ten. Retire at 65, "thank-you very much sir, here is your carriage clock". You then do a spot of gardening for 5 years and sit in your chair and then pop your clogs, job done.
|Get your five a day in early.|
Now at the same time for years the Government has spent millions telling us to exercise, eat healthily, give up smoking, drink sensibly (i.e. to a level it isn't worth bothering with in the first place) and so on and so forth. And lots of people have listened and so we're living longer and longer, needing more and more care and more and more pension money. Do you see what you've done, Government(s)? You've brought this all on yourselves.
So what I suggest is this! Turn everything on it's head. Run campaigns extolling the virtues of smoking, drinking and unhealthy food! Let McDonalds take over the world and think of the boost to the pub trade!
Now we all know about the five a day we are supposed to have - quite honestly I consider five a week an achievement in my case but I've made it to 42 in reasonable shape.
The current five a day looks like the following:
Now under my idea, I would recommend replacing the current five a day chart with something like this:
With all the extra tax revenue gained, and more people dying off earlier, the country will get out of debt, and we will all have a good time doing it. Eat drink and be merry.
You could go further and advocate more dangerous lifestyles, encourage more extreme sports, lots of unprotected sex, cut out all the health and safety rules and let people do what they want. When you think about it, it's not a bad idea, as it will mainly be the idiots that get killed anyway. Most sensible people will be OK. Admittedly some may get killed by the idiots, but that's life sadly, we all risk dicing with the proverbial bus every day anyway.
OK, so the downside of all this is that we don't live as long, but would it really matter anyway? Does anything we ever do or say really matter anyway in the long term? I mean there are people who are absolutely fanatical about healthy eating and fitness to the point of obsession, but the end result is going to be the same. Do they really think living on carrot juice and doing yoga and goodness knows what is going to make them live forever? The whole history of the human race provides evidence to the contrary so why bother. We're all going the same way, let's enjoy it.
When it comes to the religious angle, non-believers work on the theory that once you are dead that's it, so does it really matter to them when they go? And as for those with beliefs in a glorious afterlife, well my system is good for them too as they'll get there all the sooner.
Come on people, let's as a nation rise up and make Britain Great again! Cheers, mine's a pint, and what time does the kebab shop close tonight?
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Jason x x