Sunday, 1 April 2012

What's that smell - are you sure it's the cheese???

So - what's been happening. Let's backtrack over the week.

Firstly, the French Market came to town. How I love it, you've probably been able to tell from my status updates.

Beware strange smells around this stall.


So - yesterday morning myself and the family went for a long leisurely stroll up and down the market. I was absolutely full of the french spirit - I even put on a little "perfume" - which I bought at Lush on Friday which I was assured was suitable for men as well as women (hopefully). So, smelling like the proverbial tart's window box - off we went. It was bright and early but already busy but strangely I did not see any of my friends. I was quite surprised as to why as I had promised any one I saw, male or female a double kiss on the cheek French Style. It was almost as if they didn't want to.

Now having recently returned from France I am pretty clued up on what things cost - and a lot of things on the French market are very overpriced. I did come away with 3 salamis yesterday but probably paid at least double what I would have done in Carrefour. Now I don't like to be ripped off but I make an exception for the French Market - and take a "money is no object" approach as I see it as a special occasion, and like to spoil myself - and the others. So there were lots of sweets and biscuits purchased for the kiddies, and various other stuff.

Now as you know the cheese is my favourite thing and these really are good value at three for a fiver, and of course I did purchase the customary three. I did think about getting six, but decided perhaps that was being greedy, and you know that's not like me at all. They are now safely in the fridge, sealed in a lead lined container for the protection of Mrs Jason.

Now - a small confession to make. Now I like to consider myself house trained and well behaved in polite company, therefore I do not perform various bodily functions in public, i.e. burping and farting. Sadly this is not true of all people, as can often be evidenced in the White Hart on a Sunday evening as I often find when walking through the pub on the way to the toilet. On more than one occasion I have detected unpleasant aromas from people who are quite happy to anally announce to the whole pub what they had for their roast dinner. However, like most polite people I do mine behind closed doors, as Mrs Jason will confirm.

Now on Saturday, we had walked past the cheese stall and their was an overwhelming smell coming from the stall, which is not a million miles away from the kind of smells that can be emitted from ones bottom. Anyway on our way back down Sheep Street, I felt an overwhelming desire to let one off. Now I was pretty certain it was going to be silent, and also fairly certain it was going to be rather pungent. Fortunately we were just approaching the cheese stall at the time, so I got as close as possible and let it go. And I completely got away with it as such was the pungency of the smell from the cheese that my contribution merely mingled with the existing smell and the hordes of people around the stall were blissfully unaware that it had come from my bottom. In fact from what I could see it actually inspired a bit of a rush, people were handing over fivers faster than they could take them!

I mentioned Lush, well on Friday I went to Oxford for the day with bestie (child free) and we had a fab time. Quite a lengthy amount of time was spent in Lush - how I love that place and everything about it, including the staff, a lovely friendly girl behind the counter and a young gay chap who couldn't do enough for us - I think me must have tried out almost every product in the shop. Anyway I came away with a number of things including a new thing for me, a perfume stick. Now these look like lipsticks and you just apply a small amount to your neck and you smell, well Lush. There were a number of different ones, I eventually came away with one called Orange Blossom, I'll put a bit on tonight so if anyone wants to come up for a sniff at karaoke, feel free. There was one available called "Lust" which the girl behind the counter assured me drove the opposite sex wild, however I felt it would be inappropriate for a man of my impeccable reputation and standing in the community to wear such a thing. But no reason why any of you shouldn't go and get some - if you want to get some - if you know what I mean - would be intrigued to know if it works!

Anyway, Friday was a fab day out, and the sort of thing that I want to do more of, and the reason why I decided to place Jamie with Julie one day a week. You all know how much I love my children but I need time off too.

Thursday mum came over and we did lunch at Nash's. Jo Jo joined us for a bit and we discussed wedding plans. It's all very exciting! Alex came over yesterday with a book for me - "Best Man for Dummies" so I am going to get stuck into that. Stag Night and Speech are the two things most immediately on my mind. Plenty of time to prepare though, the wedding is not until October 2013.

During the past week or two, certain friends have come to some life-changing decisions about their lives. As is often the case I have been involved as a confidante, and I have done everything I can to encourage people to try and make the decisions that are right for them. I know how difficult it can be for people caught at a crossroads and we can never truly be sure we are making the right decisions until after they are made, but time will always tell.

For all of those of you who think I am solid as a rock, dependable and in control 100% of the time - well I am not - I face the same sort of problems and choices in my life from time to time as everyone else - and these are not easy decisions to make for any of us. All I can say to anyone, and I am thinking of at least six people here who I am not going to name, is you can only do what feels right at the time and give it your best shot. I am sending out good luck to all of my friends who have faced upheaval, changes, and made decisions - they all deserve to be happy. Why? Because I firmly believe whatever any body in our little group may have done at any time that might be perceived as "bad" - we are all good people at heart.

If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.

Jason x x

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