Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Various Stuff

Good evening.

Had some good news today. I have had a minor health scare and got the all clear at the Doctors today. It always was likely that it would be nothing - and so it turned out to be. However, I am glad I know. Only two people knew about this until now, but now I'm happy to mention it. It's not the sort of thing you broadcast.

It is easy to imagine the worst in such situations, and if there is the slightest possibility of something that could be the #1 illness that we all dread then you have to get it checked out. I do know that men in particular are very good at ignoring problems, we've all heard "I haven't had day off work or been to the Doctors for 10 years". My advice is, if in any doubt, go! Hence my reason for mentioning it - if I inspire one person to go who is in a similar boat then I've done some good.

Anyway I am A1, and got a double result today from the doctor who confirmed that my blood pressure is nicely under control at the moment. Which is surprising considering one or two recent stressful situations, but to get a clean bill of health can only be good.

I am a colossal coward when it comes to certain things medical, which is shameful really, and probably disrespectful to all those who have borne serious illnesses with dignity. My first thought on how I would cope in such a situation wouldn't be "oh no I might die", but more likely to be "oh no this means I will have to have blood tests".

My experience with blood tests has always been horrific. Not only am I terrified of needles and injections in general but it has never been straighforward. Every time it has ended up being several people pissing about for about 20 minutes trying and failing several times to get the needle into my arm. For someone with a severe phobia about the whole thing is extremely traumatic. They may as well open the window and let a swarm of wasps into the room as well, that should more or less guarantee me a coronary.

They did manage to find a solution the last time I was in hospital by attaching a permanent needle to the back of my hand that they could just plug in whenever they needed any blood. I could cope with that.

I realise that this blog hasn't been as jokey as usual, but thought perhaps it might be deemed inappropriate. I could easily have gone down the line of "well they were big enough anyway in the first place!" or something along those lines, however I have found that boasting about one's endowment or prowess in these areas is invariably ill-received, even if done purely for comic effect. This applies particularly to women (my core readership), so perhaps best to draw a discreet veil beneath proceedings.

Ollie continues to be obsessed with bridges, tunnels, waterfalls and poo, roughly in that order. Anybody that sits down on our sofa is obliged to contort their legs into various shapes to form different bridges and tunnels. There was no need for any hosepipe created waterfalls today as the weather did it all for us. There were plenty of drainpipes out and about sending water down for him to stand under, particularly in crown walk where we were able to make an impromptu waterfall with the umbrella.

As for the poo thing, it's probably partly my fault. Having a puerile, juvenile sense of humour myself, and still finding such things amusing at the age of 41, I can't help finding it funny, however me laughing when he says things, is invariably re-inforcing the behaviour. But who wouldn't find it hard to crack up when an old lady goes out through the door to the toilets in the back of Nash's, and a 3 year old shouts out "That lady's going for a poo, Daddy!"

Telling him off about such things generally makes it worse anyway. Hence him going around everywhere on holiday shouting out "Do Not EVER EVER EVER EVER poo in a restaurant again".

At present he is moulding a piece of brown plasticine into a sausage shape and playing plopping it on to the floor. Now this was not my idea - honest! Well maybe a bit - you see we have had terrible trouble getting him to use the toilet, with constipation lasting several days, soiled pants, screaming and crying when put on the toilet, refusing to go, nappy rash and horrendously sore bottom from it, pooing the bed etc etc. By being a bit free and easy about it, talking about it, making a game of it and a bit of fun has helped. His toilet habits have improved greatly.

I don't know if that explanation would cut much ice in a restaurant judging by the shocked looks on the faces of some diners after some past comments. But Ollie gets away with it in Nash's because he's cute and everyone loves his cheeky persona. He's my son alright!

Lots of moaning about the weather today on facebook from the usual suspects. They are never happy, are they, it's always too hot, too cold, too wet, too humid etc etc. No-one ever says it's just right. They say they want to go and live somewhere hot, but I can't imagine anything worse than living somewhere where the weather is the same every day. It's not even as if the summer has been that bad - we haven't had many wet days, and there's always fun to be had in the rain e.g. the aforementioned waterfalls!

I love the weather in this country - we get a bit of everything, and it's unpredictable too. Another added dimension to the rich tapestry of life.

If you have enjoyed reading this blog, please take a look at my books on Amazon (Paperback & Kindle), where you can read lots more of the same! Click here.

Jason x

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