Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Things To Do List: Monday

Or - a typical day in the life of Superdad...

7:30am: Wake up. Groan. Hear baby crying. Pretend to be asleep so wife gets up, taking full advantage of the "I worked last night" card.

8:30am: Get up. Make breakfast for children. Have a cup of tea. Check facebook for notifications, messages, likes etc - there are none (nobody loves me today).

9:00am: Sit at computer. Try and gain some motivation.

9:15am: Bath Ollie.

9:30am: Sort out paperwork. Ring school to see if can collect uniform yet. Still no answer.

9:45am: Go to Bank

10:00am: Buy the "Monday Ham"

10:15am: Return home. Fall over toys in hall. Make cup of coffee. Living room smells of poo. Change nappy. Empty bins. Put washload on. Put coffee on. Empty dishwasher. Go to toilet. Slip over on flood in toilet.

11:00am: Walk round to school to see if anyone is there to collect uniform.

11:45am: Drive round to pub to collect some equipment. Peer through window. Load up speakers etc into car, perfectly acceptable in Sheep Street (loading) and try to ignore tutting pensioners muttering something about "pedestrian zone" under breath.

12:15pm: Return home. Hang up washload. Put gear away. Tidy up rooms ready for cleaning. Listen to the best radio show in the world - Jeremy Vine on Radio 2. Claire feeds kids etc downstairs so I can get on with cleaning the whole of upstairs.

1:45am: Claire goes to work. Return downstairs and begin cooking the Monday Ham. Minor panic when wasp comes into kitchen resolved with good old Raid.

2:00pm onwards: Entertain, pander to kids, read, change nappies, try to fight losing battle against tide of mess etc etc, potter about doing other odd jobs. Answer 100th question of day from Ollie, attempt to remain cheerful and not appear jaded. Feel sleepy due to two late nights but battle on.

4:00pm Finish cooking the Monday Ham. Leave to cool.

5:00pm Make kids tea - and my own, time permitting. Battle with Ollie over getting him to eat. Clear up, get dishwasher on. Trip over "Scoop". Try and stop Jamie from chewing shoelaces/ cables/ any other object.

6:30pm Start getting kids ready for bed.

7:00pm Kids in bed.

7:01pm Ollie out of bed again. Wants toy. Wants the toilet. Wants this that and the other. Change batteries in his Leappad (again). Half an hour goes by.

7:30pm Clear up the carnage of the day. Torn up paper, scattered crayons, toys, unidentified spillages etc.

8:00pm Carve up the Monday Ham in the Andrew James meat slicer. My, it's a magnificent beast!

8:10pm Summoned upstairs again. "This is the last time I'm coming up, I mean it, will you go to sleep!!!!"

8:15pm On to the PS3. Load up GT5, and set up the online room ready for my victims. Take on all-comers from across the EU and give them a good beating. Think about asking Darren to join me but don't bother as he is clearly too scared after past beatings.

9:45pm Claire returns home. Watch DVD's for a bit. A typical Monday selection might be an episode of House and an episode of The Office (USA).

11:30pm. Go on facebook. Write a few "humorous" comments. Have some of the Monday Ham for supper.

Midnight (ish) Go to bed.

And start all over again tomorrow.

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Jason x x

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