Thursday, 28 July 2016

The Next Doctor

In a shock announcement today, the next actor to play Doctor Who was revealed at a hastily assembled press conference at a secret location in Wales.

A spokesman claiming to be from the show said "Rather than go through all the speculation that normally follows a lead actor announcing that they are leaving the role, we thought we would get the new man on board before Peter Capaldi actually leaves. As let's face it, he's coming up for his third series and bound to quit soon, just like all the others do just as we are starting to get used to them."

The new actor was truly a surprise, as he is better known as a novelist than an actor. Oxford born Jason Ayres, 46, rebuffed claims that he had no acting experience at the conference, listing a number of TV and film appearances over the years.

We checked him out on IMDB and found that he had played the following illustrious roles:

Man in Pub - Eastenders (2 episodes) - 2015
Man in Kebab Shop - Emmerdale Farm - 2013
Fat Bloke singing on the karaoke - Benidorm - 2012
Man in Chip Shop - Coronation Street - 2010
Pork Pie eating competition contestant (as himself) - Man vs Food - 2008
Man ringing in work putting on a pathetic voice to try and pull a sickie - The Office (2002)
Man standing behind John Mcrirrick waving (as himself) - Channel 4 Racing 1999
Man playing golf very badly - Happy Gilmore (1996)
Man feigning broken ankle to get out of going to wedding - Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)

Some early publicity shots have already been released, here's one of him getting the keys to the Tardis taken today:

The new Doctor on his way
to an exciting adventure!

There is no news yet on who the new Doctor's companion will be, however it seems rumours that Noel Edmonds is being drafted in to play The Master may well be true.

"I'm really looking forward to getting the keys to the Tardis" said Ayres. "And I'm gonna wipe the smug smile off that beardy face, you wait and see. He'll be going straight to the 1p club when I put my sonic screwdriver where the sun don't shine!"

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