Monday, 9 March 2015

My all time Top 10 culinary moments.

I love Top 10's, don't you? They often have them in the paper - Top 10 this, Top 10 that. So I thought perhaps it was time my blog had a new feature where I share with you some of my favourite moments from my glittering career in...well, whatever it is I do (even I'm not sure).

First off today, a look at some gluttonous highlights from years gone by. These aren't really in any sort of order, or even probably the actual Top 10 as I've probably forgotten loads. These are just ten moments in my life of gorging that made me happy.

1) The day I had a Chunky Kit Kat that was solid chocolate - no wafer at all.

2) A similar experience with a packet of Wotsits - where every Wotsit was made of solid flavouring.

3) The time I discovered ants in my Diet Coke I ordered along with my Olympic Breakfast at a Little Chef on the way back from a meeting at Hall & Woodhouse brewery in Dorset. When the restaurant apologised profusely and gave me the meal on the house, I decided to stop off at the next Little Chef, twenty miles further along the A30 and have another one, so as not to waste my £7.50 lunch allowance from Nielsen.

4) The Saturday afternoon one summer when me and my mate Kev cycled over to a country pub for a few pints. Several hours later, the landlord ushered us through to a function room full of plates of ham, beef, salmon and all manner of other delicacies and invited us to get stuck in as it would only go to waste. Apparently it was for a wedding buffet, and the bride had jilted the groom at the altar. Still, his loss was our gain!

5) The carousel vending machine at Nielsen's where the doors didn't line up properly and you could get two sandwiches if you let go of the button in the right place.

6) Asda's 8 items for £1.99 breakfast in the cafe at High Wycombe where I once famously ordered 8 sausages.

7) Coming back from the British Sausage week tasting at Telford with bags and bags of sausages and packs stuffed almost everywhere you could think (no not there) after we'd been given an effective "supermarket sweep" take what you like visit to the cold store.

8) The Sainsbury's multibuy offer that went horribly wrong, when Buy One get One Free became Buy one get both free, resulting in them all coming up as a grand total of £0.00 at the till. Left the store with effectively an entire pig on me, gratis.

9) All you can eat buffet at the AMP Tower in Sydney. More different animals to eat than you could see in a zoo.

10)  The BBQ masterclass and video shoot when I somehow managed to get a Celebrity Chef and film crew round to my house for the afternoon to cater to my every whim.

I'm sure I could go up to 100 if I wanted to, but I'd better stop now. The kebab shop will be closing soon.


Jason Ayres is the author of six books, including his brand new novel, My Tomorrow, Your Yesterday, available here:

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