Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Dear Walls

Now that the book launch is out of the way, it's time to get moving on some other projects. You'll recall my new sausage ideas which I broached at the turn of the year. I think it's now time to pitch these to the industry, so who better to start with than a name synonymous with two things to launch my new "sausage ice cream" product.

So, without further ado I dashed off this little missive today, and now eagerly await the response!

Dear Walls,

Good evening. Allow me to introduce myself, just in case you haven’t heard of me. My name is Jason Ayres, aka “The Sausage Man” and author of the book of that title (check it out on Amazon). During 2013 I held the coveted role of VIP Judge for the annual industry awards, judging the best of the nation’s sausages alongside celebrity chef, Simon Rimmer.

In the last chapter of my recently published book, I cast my crystal ball into the future to try and come up with some new ideas to revitalise the sausage world and drive sales forward in the 21st century. My new year’s resolution was to bring these ideas to reality. Due to sundry other matters which I need not trouble you with here, it has taken me until March to get on to this, but you’ll be pleased to hear it’s now full steam ahead on the new product ideas.

So why am I contacting Walls? I shall explain. One of the new ideas I came up with was “Sausage Ice Cream”. Why? Well, I was thinking, there are many people out there like myself who do not really have a sweet tooth and would like a savoury alternative to more traditional ice cream on a hot summer’s day. And hence the idea of sausage flavoured ice cream was born.

During my thought processes I was playing around with the words “Sausage” and “Ice Cream” in my head and that’s when I thought of you. Of course! Walls Sausages and Walls Ice Cream! The stuff I grew up on in the 70s! Who better to make the product than the very company that makes both. Brilliant! I’m amazed you’ve never thought of it before to be honest. Well, you are lucky I came along because this is the idea that could make all of you (and me) millionaires!

I envisage a frozen product sold in a supermarket where you have the sausage flavour ice creams sold with a sausage banded to the side, a bit like the way salads have spoons attached, or two products can be sold in the same carton like Muller Corners or Dairylea Dunkers. How it would work with the sausage ice cream is that you detach the sausage and then microwave it. When it’s ready you just pop it into the ice cream (like you would with a flake) and there you have it: A sausage ice cream “99”.

If successful I see no reason why this concept could not be extended into other areas e.g. bacon flavour ice cream with maple syrup or lager flavour ice cream with pork scratchings but let’s not run before we can walk. 

I will be more than happy to get involved with the promotion and launch of the project. I am offering very competitive rates for celebrity endorsements so if you wanted to have me front your ad campaign or even just have some blurb on the packaging along the lines of “As endorsed by Britain’s Official VIP Sausage Taster 2013”, then let’s talk. I’m also happy to appear on chat shows, conduct radio interviews and get involved in any other press coverage which will invariably follow once the product gets off the ground. We can discuss terms at a later date, all I’m looking for today really is confirmation that you’re interested in the project. I need to get working on this as soon as possible in order that we don’t miss the crucial summer market as before we know it, Christmas will be coming round and I’ve got to get on to Mr Kipling next to talk to him about my idea for mince pie sausages.

Many thanks for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you very soon!

Kindest regards

Jason Ayres – aka “The Sausage Man”.

Now let's see what sort of response this generates!

Jason's third book, an hilarious account of his adventures in the world of sausages, is now available. Click here for more details:

No comments:

Post a Comment